Suicidal

Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrows keep you Human,
Life keeps you Humble,
Success keeps you Glowing,
But Only God keeps you Going ..

I love this para since the first time I read it. It symbolized everything. Yes, everything. I'm uncertain. I'm numb. I'm lost. Those incidents keep on haunting in my mind. Not just the raguting incident, but everything in the past. Terefresh balik. I get mad easily lately. I don't know why, I've tried to be sensible but things just went wrong when I'm about to forget about it..it's not my fault. It's you who are not responsible for what you should do. Oh God.I miss everyone in Semenanjung. I miss Najmi, you've been missing for sometime. damnit. I miss Afq the most. It has been 3months ta jumpa. I want to meet you now bestfriend. I want Sita. I want mama and abah. I want to see Ayah, he's not in a good condition recently. i pity you ayah. i love you. I want to be by your side and take care of you but I just can't. B jauh. Suddenly I feel as if I'm alone here but the real thing is I have good friends here. I don't know how to take care of myself. March seems to be a bad month for me. Bad luck has been tracking over me. I rosak-ed my precious sling bag, my braces tercabut, selipar tunggu masa nak buang dlm tong sampah, I'm too lazy to wash my clothes and I failed to manage my expenses. Duit abah dah habis beribu ribu just for this month. Flight la, mintak extra duit la, laptop yang selalu problem la. What's wrong with you, Amira? Semua tak kena. Mood study for mock exam still belum sampai. Am I being too laid-back for that matter? Do I have to kerja kuat or just biar last minute baru study? I can't sleep yesterday, semua da terflash back. SEMUA! nd I get goosebumps thinking about what mdm Anne told the whole class. kegawatan ekonomi, so potential to pursue my study in Otago agak rendah. She told us to study hard. Yes, semangat awal je la. But then I tend to get back as usual. Laid back, gelak gelak, online. hmph. I'm giving up to sambung this course. Give up da laaaaa. Last sem's result was terrible. I only managed to score A in English Studies and I have to re-sit for my language Description paper. Apa nak jadi ni ??
I spent 4 hours thinking about this matter last nite. Nak teruskan je/inform mama tuka college. I'm giving up on my studies. TESL je but I find it hard to score. Dah janji nak study hard tapi tak study hard jugak. Da pikir nak btaw mama about the ragut incident, tapi tak btaw jugak. I just don't know how to confront her. How will she react regarding this matter? arghh.

God, please give me courage nd strength to face all the hardships in life.

TESL gala nite lagi 2 hari. I wish it can cheer me up cause I'm totally depressed at the moment.
I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating, adoi tengok the guys makan sedapppnya td. I need to sleep cause I'm too tired. nd I laugh cause laughter is the best medicine. Kan kan ?


till then
xoxo